Sunday, July 01, 2007

The Chronicles of Splaish and Splish

In this chapter, an intervention, isolation, and adoption:

Splaish has adapted to his new environs swimmingly well. In fact, that's what he does, a lot of swimming. Up and down and around and around. He seems to favor a little coral cave, but is also fascinated by the garishly green plastic kelp. Did I say garish? There's nothing natural about those colors, especially the gravel. Somehow, though, the total effect is quite colorful and inviting to the eyes.

The instructions for this new tank stipulate that one is to turn on the light only when "enjoying the fish." As this one has no enjoyment in pets, it became a curiosity to discover what this means. After spending 15 minutes watching the fish swim up and down the tank, I was beginning to think he was also watching me. It was a very weird moment, but there you have it. Evidently I was enjoying the fish, and he, me, because I turned off the light and went back to the interminable laundry.

Eventually Princess Neptune arrived with her little fish net, a striking number in the same blue as Splaish, and introduced the girlfriend, Splish, into the tank.

It was a very chilly reception.

The rest of the day I didn't so much enjoy the fish as watch in mortification as they play a game of chase around the tank. Since I have a life, I didn't enjoy them very much, and definitely without the lights. Eventually, however, their owner arrived and proceeded to enjoy the fish.

There was no real enjoyment going on. You see, Splaish seems to have some anger management problems. Apparently, we failed to see the "doesn't play well with others" designation. Let's just say he's not on anyone's favorite's list today.

He attacked Splish. The bastard.

The handy dandy net was immediately commissioned to rescue Splish from that dastardly domestic violence perpetrator, and she was removed to the safe environs of the smaller tank. I adopted her on the spot. That Splaish is a bully, and I shall have nothing more to do with him.

Stay tuned for the continuing serialization of the The Chronicles of Splaish and Splish.

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