Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Return of Wheelchair Man

It's been a while since I report on the wacky wanderings of wheelchair man. I wonder if there's a cartoonist that can draw a prototype for this guy as a superhero. He can join the ranks of Reflector Man, and together they can fight the time-honored norms of neighborly behavior.

I'm thinking his tagline can be something like "able to disrupt traffic by his mere presence...slower than a go-cart...more dangerous than the average bicyclist...it's Wheelchair Man! "

Or not.

I'm trying to give up my mean streak. Really. Somehow, though, all my hard work goes out the window when I spot him.

I was thinking that maybe I just needed therapy or something, and so I saw my therapist (of sorts). Do you remember that line in the venerable classic "Crocodile Dundee," when Mick discovers that Americans go to therapists? He asks if they just don't have any mates. Ah. Isn't that brilliant? Anyway, it's true.

My therapist took the case while we were driving along the interstate coming home from a concert. She is better known as my dearest friend, wine purveyor, and Gilmore Girls dvd provider, but I guard her privacy here (everybody else is free game--imagine that!). Like Napoleon, she has skills, so she hides behind the veneer of mild-mannered administrator by day. Naturally, she figured out why I respond so psychotically to crazy people who endanger their lives on the side of the road. Imagine that. Now I'm cured. Sort of.

You may be interested to know that I have released my anxieties. I can't make this guy do what I want, so I have changed gears. I'm just going to keep a tally of wheelchair man spottings. It's like that British hobby, trainspotting. Maybe I'll get a notebook and everything.

Here's my plan--I'll keep a record of when, where, and who I spot, and share my findings periodically. It's got to be better than the way my neurosis has manifested itself until now. At least the anxiety attacks have gone away.

  • last week, Ga Tech campus, white guy in an electric wheelchair zipping along the I-85 ramp
  • this weekend, busy road, black guy in electric wheelchair, zipping along the side of the road
  • last night, as seen from my classroom window (a first! all previous spottings have been from a vehicle), black guy in electric wheelchair struggling to traverse a construction site, maneuvering around debris and a rocky terrain
I've observed that while WMs have been both black and white, to date 100% of the spottings have been men. I wonder what that means? Maybe I should offer a reward for the first female menace.

Post your WM spottings here. I'm sure I'll get ticked off again soon and post an update on my list.

1 comment:

critter said...

Wow! You need help! ;)