The Ostrich with its Head in the Ground

Not too long ago, the kids and I gathered together on a freezing Friday morning before dawn, to watch Vicky, who ordinarily has a good head on her shoulders, throw herself off a tower face first. Did I say this was by choice? There were pictures, of course, and video to document it.

At the bottom, after successfully rappelling "Australian-style" we made small talk over the experience. Top (Master Sergeant Esslinger) asked me which one was the good one, while pointing to the kids. Naturally, I grabbed Christy, who was standing innocently by. She benefited from the silliness mostly because it wasn’t her fault that my heart was beating a mile a minute. It could just as easily been Jonathan, but he was on the other side wondering when he could get out of the cold.

But that makes me think about playing favorites with the kids. Of course, I am guilty of that if playing favorites means having my mind in an eternal state of vigilance or concern —in short, the preoccupation that nags just under the conscious level when one or more of the kids are unaccounted for or away or on a trip.

I’ve had that nagging preoccupation bubbling along the surface of my consciousness a little more than usual lately. Christy traveled to Savannah last week for the 5th time in as many years. She’ll be traveling late again tonight, only I’m going, so I guess that doesn’t count. Vicky finally has the car, with all its parts and pieces and things that had to be done completed. Already, we had an argument about having her on a leash. She’s a good driver; I’m the one with the problem. Jonathan, too, has some prolonged field trips and retreats coming up.

In short, if my neurosis is caused by the mere bubblings of consciousness, woe is me if my anxieties should escape and come to the surface as full blown anxiety attacks.

And so, today I get to play favorites again as John, Vicky and Jonathan travel to Ohio for Tio Humberto’s memorial mass. I’m lucky to be actively involved in taking a group of kids to the thespian conference performance. At least I’ll be entertained. Tomorrow, more activity with the Lacrosse scrimmage.

Then the rest of the weekend will loom before me, with the stark emptiness of a near empty house. I think I’ll play a different kind of favorites, and enjoy my company with Christy, uninterrupted and exclusive. Maybe we’ll snuggle together in bed and watch endless hours of The Gilmore Girls. I better go find the number for Pizza Hut.